Saturday, September 26, 2009

PULANG LOBO

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance, five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and ME

- DROPS OF JUPITER by Train
Malakas ang ulan nang nagdaang mga gabi. Ngunit kakaiba ngayon. Hindi na madaling hulaan ang panahon. Kahit mahinang patak ng ambon hindi sumayad sa lupa. Maaari rin namang maghapong uulan bukas. Humahawi sa manipis na ulap ang malamlam na liwanag ng buwan. Walang bituin. Tahimik ang gabi. Walang tahol ng aso. Hindi nagtatawag ng ulan ang mga palaka.


Nakadungaw ako sa may bintana. Nakatingin ako sa buwan. Naalala ko ang isang matalik na kaibigan, si ARTHUR. Hindi sya pangkaraniwan. Simple lang siya, ngunit komplikado. Mas madalas sa hindi, nakangiti lang sya. Tahimik sya, ngunit mapagmasid. Nakikita nya ang maliliit na detalye. Natutuhan nyang bigyang pansin ang mga ito . Sabi nya, sa maliliit na bagay nagmumula ang malalaking kwento. Magkakaugnay ang bawat maliliit na detalye , upang mabuo ang isang malaking kwento.


Noong bata pa sya, isinama sya minsan ng Tatay nya sa laot. Habang nangingisda, napansin nya ang ilang makukulay na bilog na lumulutang sa tubig-alat. Papalapit ang kulay pulang bilog sa bangka nila. Kinuha ito ng Tatay nya at ibinigay sa kanya. Natuwa si Arthur. Lobo pala ang mga iyon. Nagtaka sya. Bakit may mga lobo sa dagat? May birthday party ba ang mga isda? Hindi ba't sa langit napupunta ang lobo kapag lumipad ito? Kagaya ng kantang natutuhan nya sa eskwela?


Ang sabi ng Tatay nya, sa langit nga pumupunta ang lumipad na lobo. Nakikipaglaro sa mga ulap, buwan, bituin at sa iba pang mga lobo. Kapag napagod ito, kusa syang bababa. Babalik sya kung saan sya nagmula. Hindi lang sa dagat bumabagsak ang napagod na lobo. Napapadpad dinito sa gubat, sa ilog, sa syudad. Mas malaking bahagi kasi ng mundo ang dagat kaya karamihan sa kanila dito bumababa.


Taong 2006.


Kakatapos lang manalanta ng bagyong Milenyo. Habang walang tubig at kuryente ang buong Kamaynilaan, nakatanggap siya ng isang regalo. Isang malaking PULANG LOBO. Lubos ang kanyang kasiyahan sa natanggap na regalo. Minahal nya ito. Katabi nya sa pagtulog. Kasama nya kahit saan. Kasama nyang namasyal sa mall. Kasabay nyang nanood ng sine. Nagbilang ng mga hayop sa zoo. Nagbaliktanaw ng kasaysayan sa museo. At kumain ng maraming pizza.


May sariling buhay ang lobo. May sariling pag-iisip. Humihinga. Nagkaroon sila ng matibay na ugnayan sa isa't isa. Minsan namamasyal ang pulang lobo. Minsan din kailangang umalis ni Arthur na hindi kasama ang pinakamamahal na pulang lobo. At kapag nangyayari yun. Nalulungkot sila. Nasasabik na makita ang bawat isa. Hanggang sa dumating ang araw na umikot ang mundo ng dalawa sa bawat isa. Halos magkarugtong na ang buhay nila.


Lumipas ang halos tatlong taon. Paulit-ulit ang pangyayari. Paikot-ikot. Sa pamamasyal ng pulang lobo, marami itong narating. Marami itong nakilala. Nakalipad sya sa ibabaw ng dagat. Naabot nya ang ulap sa mga talampas. Nilipad sya ng hangin sa magagandang ilaw ng syudad. Naiwang naghihintay si Arthur sa may bintana. Umaasang uuwi rin ang pinakamamahal na pulang lobo. Minsan natagalan ang pagbabalik ng pulang lobo. Matiyagang naghintay si Arthur sa may bintana.


Isang gabi, tahimik na dumating ang pulang lobo sa may bintana. Tahimik lamang ang dalawa. Maliwanag ng buwan ng gabing iyon. Maraming bituin. Tumingala silang dalawa. Nais marating ng pulang lobo ang buwan at bituin. Nais nyang makita mula roon ang mundo. Nalungkot si Arthur, alam nyang hindi sya maaaring sumama. Ninais nyang mabago ang pasya ng pulang lobo. Ngunit wala syang nagawa. Hindi na raw masaya ang pulang lobo sa paulit-ulit na pangyayari. Hawakan man ni Arthur ng mahigpit ang pisi ng pulang lobo, hindi nya kaya. Alam nyang may sariling pangarap rin ang pulang lobo. Alam nyang masaya ang pulang lobo sa pasya nito. Masakit man sa loob nya, kailangan nyang pumayag.





Nais ng pulang lobo na maging mabuting magkaibigan na lamang sila. Hindi pumayag si Arthur. Hindi nya magagawa. Ang sabi nya, LOVE IS ALL I CAN GIVE NOT FRIENDSHIP!


Siguro maaari silang maging magkaibigan ngunit hindi ngayon. Hindi nya kayang maging kaibigan lang ang pinakamamahal nyang lobo. Dahil hindi maituturing na pagkakaibigan ang pagtingala lamang ni Arthur sa kalangitan, habang nagsasayaw sa mga bituin ang pulang lobo. At dahil masaya na ang pulang lobo sa kalangitan, hindi na ito bababa para sa kanya.


Ang sabi ng pulang lobo:

"It should feel more like a really great and intensified form of friendship.
It shouldn't be a habit rather a carefree lifestyle.
It should involve trust not suspicion.
It should involve growth not walking around circles.
It should involve individual lives merging into one synergy not living in dual isolation.
From experience and coming out from a 3 year relationship, I can say that break ups suck.
Its not easy.
Its a long, long process.
Process of recircuiting your life, trying to live another day without doing the things that you're so used to.
Breaking up with someone really special makes me want to do one thing-- to be friends with that person.
But as I said, it takes time."



Tama, hindi madalian ang lahat. Kailangan talagang mag-ingles ang pulang lobo. Maaaring maging magkaibigan sila. Ngunit hindi ngayon. Kailangang ipagpatuloy ni Arthur ang buhay nya. Kailangan nyang bitawan ang pisi ng pulang lobo. Hayaan nyang lumipad ito sa kalangitan. Maglaro sa mga ulap. Libutin ang buwan. Maglayag sa init ng araw. Sumakay sa bulalakaw hanggang sa milky way. Makakakilala sya ng ibang lobo doon. Iba't ibang kulay. Hindi nya magagawang maging kaibigan ang pulang lobo habang nasasaktan sya na nakikitang may iba ng mahal ang pulang lobo.




Ang sabi pa ng pulang lobo;

"Sometimes, you still get those little pangs.
For even if the pain has disappeared, little pictures remain of the movie you acted in together.
But you're onto it by now.
You'll never understand everything, but you're aware that disappearances will always be mysteries, and mysteries have never brought forth complete acceptance because you will always, always be wondering.
But as with any great mystery, it's a "wondering" that borders on musing.
Because you'd never be puzzled enough to still bother to ask again why or to pave the way for questions to be raised.
Some questions you've never learned by now, are best left unanswered, will never be answered, don't need to be answered.
So you acknowledge this and know fully well that not all pangs have to be acted on or remedied.
That perhaps they serve as reality checks, reminders, not necessarily of a boy, of a relationship gone wrong, of emotions wasted or lost.
But reminders of the individual that still stands, of mistakes that shouldn't be repeated, of spirits that still need constant pruning, of souls that should remain afloat no matter how immersed you are in your love."


Ang tanging magagawa ni Arthur ay ipagpatuloy ang buhay nya. Bumuo ng mga pangarap. Maaari nyang iwasan ang dating nakasanayan. Maaari syang umibig muli. Walang sinuman ang nakakaalam kung ano ang mangyayari kinabukasan.


Ang tanong pulang lobo;

"Can I wake up without you everyday, If I let you walk away?"

Masakit para kay Arthur ng pangyayari, sa biglaang pagbabago ng pulang lobo. Ngunit pareho lamang silang mahihirapan at masasaktan kung hindi nila bibitawan ang isa't isa. Makakagising pa rin naman silang pareho araw-araw, maaaring nasasaktan, maaaring nahihirapan, maaaring umiiyak. Sa paglipas ng panahon, hihilom din naman ang sakit na naramdaman. Titigil din ang pagluha.



Ang sabi ng Tatay nya, kapag napagod na ang lobo sa paglalaro sa kalangitan. At naubos na ang asoge. Kusa itong bababa. Pabalik kung saan ito nagmula. Papunta sa kung kanino sya nararapat. Kagaya ng pulang lobo na hawak nya. Bumagsak ito sa dagat. Inanod ng alon. Nakita nya. Lumapit sa kanya.


Kung talagang sila para sa isa't isa. Maaaring magkakabalikan sila. Maaaring hindi. Magiging maayos din naman ang lahat sa bandang huli. Happily ever after din naman ang katapusan. Sa piling ng isa't -isa, maaari rin namang sa piling ng iba. Kung bababa man muli ang lobo sa bintana ni Arthur, maaaring sabay na silang lilipad sa kalangitan at makikipaglaro sa bituin, buwan at bulalakaw.


Ngayong gabi, sa ilalim ng malamlam na sinag buwan. Nakatingin din si Arthur. Inaalala ang masasayng nakaraan nila ng pulang lobo. Nabawasan na ang sakit. Ngunit ang pagmamahal nya, naroroon pa rin. Kung uulan man ng malakas bukas, hindi na sya kailangan pang malungkot. Hindi na siya iiyak. Umulan man magdamag. Sasayaw na lamang sya.








We are all different people with, different perspectives.
There's no such thing as no such thing..

Kung ang tanong, Bakit ka magmamahal sa isang taong hindi ka naman mahal?

Ang sagot siguro ay,

Bakit may mga taong hindi makalet -go given na may mahal nang iba ang mahal nila?


Wala namang masama kung maglet-go ka , sabi nga nila, walang babalik kung walang aalis,
Who knows, may tamang oras para sa lahat.
At may dahilan kung bakit masakit.


Kung kaya pa, eh di mag-stay -
--> Hindi ka naman mapipigilan ng kahit na sino kung mahal mo pa siya.
Pwede mo naman siyang mahalin nang ikaw lang nakakaalam, at pwede mo rin siyang mahalin kahit hindi ka nya mahal.
kung hindi mo na kaya,
--> Mag-let go ka na lang. If you realized na gusto mo rin maging masaya ng bonggang-bongga.
You can find someone to make you deserving of the happiness.


Tao lang naman tayo. nakakaramdam at nasasaktan..
At dahil magkakaibang tao tayo, iba iba rin ang recovery phase at perspective.


Kung hindi kayang lumaban ng isa para sa atin, hindi natin sya mapipilit.

Mahihirapan lang pareho, Magkakasakitan pareho, at sa bandang huli magbabago ang tingin ninyo sa isa't isa.
Sa halip na mapanatili ang pag-ibig, wala na, nasira niyo na pareho ng di niyo nalalaman.Sa paglipas ng panahon, matatabunan na lang ng kwento. Masasanay na tayo. Hanggang sa tatawanan mo na lang balang araw.


Kahit naman makipagbreak tayo, Hindi ibig sabihin na hindi natin mahal ang isa't isa. Minsan kailangan lang ng pagbabago.



Ang LOVE hindi nawawala, natatabunan lang. So even if they let go, one day pag nagkita sila, imposibleng walang feelings na bumalik.
Nasa sa atin na lang kung pano natin bibigyan ng pansin or kung gagawan ba natin ng paraan.








"I will color the world one step at a time..."




46 comments:

madz said...

Wow! Ang galing mong magsulat. Ang lawak ng imahinasyon mo! Sa tingin ko, ginamit mo lang ang lobo, pero ang totoo, isa itong tunay na tao. At tila tungkol talaga sa pag-ibig ang kwento mo. :) Parang hango pa nga sa tunay na buhay.

bampiraako said...

Gaya ng sabi ni Ewan Mcgregor sa "Moulin Rouge" : Love. Love. Above all things I believe in love. Love is like oxygen. Love is a many splendored thing. Love lift us up where we belong! All you need is love!

Kaya mahirap talaga para sa isang lobo ang mawalan ng "oxygen".... nakakatakot lalo na kapag ito'y umabot sa sukdulan at maging pira-piraso na lamang.

tim said...

wow, wonderful imgaination today! bro such awesome blogger!

dencios said...

sa palagay ko ikaw ang may hawak 'noon' sa lobo.

naka move on ka na? hehe

RaYe said...

cheers!

i hope with this post, you're okay na. kahit hindi 100%, basta ba you're not into death anymore.

maalala ko lang, nung mabuting tao pa ako, lahat ng hiling/panalangin ko, itinatali ko sa lobo tapos tsaka ko yun pakakawalan.. lobo kasi pwedeng magdala sa langit nung mensahe ko e.. :D

keep writing ha. i get wonderful insights from you. :D

Jepoy said...

Sa totoo lang pinadugo ng pulang lobo ang ilong, ang lalim mag ingles at napa eloquent pa. Pero para kay arthur tama ang mga realization nya. One baby step at a time, he'll get there for sure. It's just a matter of time.

Maxwell5587 said...

break-ups aren't easy but sometimes, it's best to let it go instead of holding onto it until the love turns into something else, something ugly.

thank you for this post, i really feel enlightened even for a bit. very well said.

Yj said...

wow... iba na ang tema.... buti naman....
mukhang nakakalet go na....


:)

.pOot! said...

padaan.

Niel Camhalla said...

wag na lang lobo. maglaro na lang tayo ng manika. tapos pag nasawa tayo, ibenta natin.

LhanDz said...

naiyak ako dun..

it was three years, gaya ng sabi mo saken, ang PENGUIN isang partner lang pwede buong buhay nila.

sana makakita ka pa ng isang penguin.
you deserve to be happy.

dito lang ako pole if you need someone to talk to just beep me or email me.

ACRYLIQUE said...

LIFE is about CHANGE.
Sometimes it's painful,
sometimes it's beautiful,
but most of the time it's both.

Once upon a time, you and i were best friends.

And that means, whenever you need me,
I'm here.
Anytime, anywhere, any place. Forever.

If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not
together, there is something you must always
remember.
You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem, and smarter than
you think.
But the most important thing is,
even if we're apart, I'll always be with you.

ACRYLIQUE said...

@ madz

- Tama ka. Ang mga kwento ko at buhay ko ay isang malaking METAPHOR. :)

ACRYLIQUE said...

@bampiraako

- Thanks for mentioning my fave flick. Di ko makakalimutan ang scene na iyon sa taas ng elephant. :)

ACRYLIQUE said...

@bampiraako

Bababa rin sya sa ere. :)

ACRYLIQUE said...

@tim

- Salamat. Take care. :)

ACRYLIQUE said...

@dencios

-Well, kung siya nag ang lobong hawak ko noon. We'll find our way back again. :)

moving on, i am getting there. :)

ACRYLIQUE said...

@RaYe

-I might be talking about death again but in a different new light.

teka, ano yung nung mabuting trao ka pa? hehe
ginagawa ko rin yun dati. minsan sa saranggola.

Salamat sa pagbabasa. :)

ACRYLIQUE said...

@Jepoy

- Ganun talaga yung pulang lobo. Di nga raw nya maintindihan ang blog ko kasi tagalog. QUITS lang kami. kasi yung kanya, ingles kung ingles.

I am getting there. :)

ACRYLIQUE said...

@Maxwell5587

-Thaks for taking time to read. :)

ACRYLIQUE said...

@Yj

- YEYS!, i am getting there. :)

ACRYLIQUE said...

@.pOot!

-Salamat!

ACRYLIQUE said...

@Niel Camhalla

- haha! teka. tagal na rin kita di nakikita ah. May ibibigay ako sayong manika. :)

ACRYLIQUE said...

@LhanDz

- Yes it was 3 years. Fate will tell if we're true penguins or not.
We both deserve to be happy. I need to live my life.

Salamat Lando. :)

shykulasa said...

great post!

there's a time for everything, im glad to hear its moving on phase now :D

puzzle said...

Mahiwaga talaga ang buhay, ang pag-ibig. Naihahalintulad natin lahat ng ating karanasan sa mga simpleng bagay na nakikita natin sa paligid.

Hinahangaan ko ang pagkakasulat mo ng kathang ito :) Dama ko ang damdamin mo ng nilisan ka ng iyong pulang lobo. :(

Walongbote said...

there are things na kailangan natin pakawalan, mhirap man ito para sa atin. Nakakalungkot lang kc na nasanay tyo na njan yung mahalagang bgay na un. Ei. Kamusta ka na? Sana ok lang hawz nyo and family m0.. Godbless.

Niel Camhalla said...

"May ibibigay ako sayong manika. :)"

Talaga? Wowowee!

missGuided said...

TRUE LOVE WAITS...

*nose bleed ako sa pulang lobo hehe*

KORKI said...

like this post :)

dabo said...

acry, i agree, nose bleed na din ako.

KORKI said...

ansarap basahin ng mga entry mo ;) nice one ... kip safe

Anna said...

Hi. Those paragraphs you pasted there on break ups - I wrote that. Back in college, it was in Ateneo, it was printed in our literary magazine, Heights. Word for word. I figured that was why you put quotation marks because the words weren't yours?

"Sometimes you still get those little pangs. For even if the pain has disappeared, little pictures remain of the movie you acted in together.

But you're onto it by now.

You'll never understand everything, but you're aware that disappearances will always be mysteries, and mysteries have never brought forth complete acceptance because you will always, always be wondering.

But as with any great mystery, it's a "wondering" that borders on musing.

Because you'd never be puzzled enough to still bother to ask again why or to pave the way for questions to be raised. Some questions you've never learned by now, are best left unanswered, will never be answered, don't need to be answered.

So you acknowledge this and know fully well that not all pangs have to be acted on or remedied.

That perhaps they serve as reality checks, reminders, not necessarily of a girl, of a relationship gone wrong, of emotions wasted or lost.

But reminders of the individual that still stands, of mistakes that shouldn't be repeated, of spirits that still need constant pruning, of souls that should remain afloat no matter how immersed you are in your love."

In any event, I just wanted to let you know those were my words, and would appreciate being credited as the source. I have the original printed article in that journal, and my picture beside it, which I can email if you need substantive proof of ownership. Thank you!

Anna

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